Although it’s a little bit late, I force myself to write it. It is being driven by yesterday sharing session that discussed about this topic.
So it’s started with question “What happened in my life on 2010?”
The answer is not quite something that make me excited, at the beginning even it seem very boring and full of desperation.
In area of work, in 2010 there is nothing special happened. Everything just went linear and sometimes I think it went down. When looked at my colleague, I felt that they are really expert in doing their job, and when compare it with me, it seems like I do nothing significant. It’s really desperate to think like that.
In area of relationship with my close friend, I saw they gone one by one. Everybody needs to take care their own business. They’re now taking their own path, and I am pray for their happiness.
In my friendships in general, I think I made many mistakes that made people are really disappointed. Can’t help, sometime I feel I am disappointed myself. I always hope I can be a good friend, I just don’t know why everything is always going wrong at the end.
About my family, I don’t think this year is good year as well, seeing that I was being dumped for the second time by my close relative. They said that we are not relative anymore. I just don’t know what to do and say anymore…
I also dropped my church service this year, I failed it. I just felt too much responsible and commitment to do it.
In my leadership ability, somehow I question it myself. I am surely not capable to be an exemplary leader. It’s a good opportunity to lead an organization, but I don’t know why it always doesn’t go like what I am planning to.
Another pessimistic thing is that I was starting feel that I am a forgetful man. I learn many new things, meet new friends, received new information, and then I start to forget. I really hate when I am asked a question in area I worked several months ago and I can’t answer it. Or when my friend said that they have already told me several times but I always ask them back again. Or when I have known a person closely and then I ruin her/his day because I forget the special moment.
So what’s good happened in 2010?
The good thing is that I am still I am now. I am not going crazy. I am not going to somewhere and damage myself. I still believe in God as my goodness source.
The year of 2010 people said as year of reconciliation and prosperous. But is it happened for me?
I asked God if it happens to me. And after one long meditation, I finally realize the essence of it.
The strength is not located when you have miracle everyday, but the strength is located when you have all problems but can endure it. It’s not when you give thanks for every good things that happened, but when you give thanks for awful things that happened.
I remember verse of Daniel that say:
If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up
It’s not a good or bad thing that happened to us that make our day, but our response to keep it positive and never leave God is the things that is considered as the result.
So what would I say about 2010? 2010 is not my best year really. Because the best one is yet to come 🙂 🙂 🙂